Tip: If you are from the southern States, the words "You talk funny" should never cross your lips.

Formerly strictly my perspective, h00t.com is the combined ravings of myself (h00t) and sc0tch. The site is old, the content is (in most cases) poorly written and likely to cause indigestion, and the opinions stated here are currently the only ones that matter. If you can handle that, continue. Otherwise...toughen up and continue ;)
April 9, 2013

I come back to you now at the worst moment in human history. My friends, “cultural differences” has just been successfully used as a defense against rape. I don’t mean a woman shouted “CULTURAL DIFFERENCES” and the rapist just threw his hands up and said “Well FUCK! You totally caught me off guard. My boner [...]

Ok. We’ve all seen news stories about shooters. We’ve all heard the political pundits, news anchors and self important cock munchers talk about why. Usually the first symptom noticed is video games. Oh shit fuck caught in Santa’s Jesus hole! Must be all the violent video games. Right? All that sexy violence, the sexual nature, [...]

Hockey players versus franchise owners. Millionaires versus billionaires. Whiney little bitches versus other whiney little bitches. Pussies versus pussies! That’s how I see the NHL lockout. Signing out for now… What? You mean I can’t just make a vague, yet true statement without backing it up? Even though I’m smarter than you and know what [...]

Scotch here with the answer; The same fucking thing only with less annoyance! These are nitwits who obsess over a single products existence for no other reason than preference or said existence. There are those who would end relationships over this obsession, and I’m not talking about the gal dumping the guy for being a [...]

Well, ok… Maybe not. It is more in kin with choosing between running for mayor, and getting married. One will make your lips sore, and the other will screw up your sex life. Politics have become a joke here in Canada; you’ve got the conservatives and liberals playing a funky game of ping pong using [...]

Hey, look! A list of things that are pissing me off at the moment.

Dear h00ters, friends, readers, it is with a heavy heart that I now write about a tragedy that occurred in a town I was raised in long ago. The very town I contain my first memories in, has been forever scarred. A section of the Algo Mall has collapsed. This is the only mall in [...]

Perhaps now would be a good time to get a few things off my chest. Politically correct assholes who get offended at the slightest misuse of a word and threaten lawsuits, ought to be put to death. (disclaimer: if you actually go out and kill someone because of what you just read… First off you’re [...]

June 22, 2012

I was sitting at my desk, watching the E3 preview for halo 4 and I thought to myself: seriously? They’ve got the most repetitive, unimaginative storyline going for all their games. The original design team has moved onto greener pastures. What can Microsoft possibly hope to accomplish with a 4th installment of everyones favorite faceless, [...]

I’m Scotch, for those of you too inbred to read. Although if you can’t read then allow me to insult you further since you can’t understand what I’m saying you illiterate fuck. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m the cousin of the great man who runs this site which means I’m just [...]

Oh, fuck me, I’ve spent an evening listening to Atheists and Christians fighting on Reddit. Here comes the angry…

CNN posted a story about the death and disposal of Bin Laden…if you enjoy strokes, go read the comments. The contents of this post are very sparse, and you should only read it if you don’t believe the CNN story.

Everything about this game is gratuitous, therefore so must be the title…and most of the post. If you don’t feel like reading, feel free to just skip to the pre-ordering of Duke Nukem Forever.

I really should submit this to Man Vs. Food… In the meantime, you should definitely try it out if you have the means and the balls. You should probably make sure you also have the colon and a good medical plan as well.

Not for the easily-offended smoker…or maybe it is. Disclaimer enclosed.

Take your zombie to the bar, to dinner, anywhere you need more happiness in your life…just don’t let him/her nibble on your ear.

Some people are born ugly, some become that way through some horrible twist of fate, and some simply work very, very hard at it.

NUTS (Nuisance Understanding and Thwarting System) component on 3 of the most common forms of douchebags and how to identify them in everyday life. WARNING: you or someone you affiliate with may fall into this category.

He’s adorable, but sweet thundering Jesus is he ever maddening.

Based on the infamous quote from the late George Carlin, the Asshole calculator is the first addition to my repertoire of tools to identify and thwart nuisances.

In the first few weeks I owned this thing, I got more dirty looks than a granny in a see-through nighty on a downtown bus.

Although the end-product proved exceptionally delicious, the marketing team really dropped the ball.